Vampires

I am tired of vampires.

I am tired of their icky pasty skin and their creepy need to be with their beloved. I'm tired of their immortality and rubbing it in everyone's face. Hey buddy, I don't care if you've lived 109 years and are mopey, that's your problem, mmk? I'm tired of their terrible teeth. Get to an orthodontist, I don't need to see your heinous mouth until its fixed. I'm tired of their long hair and nails, and weird colored eyes. That's not pretty. It's just bad hygiene. I'm tired of them living with other vampires and forming creepy little "covens" or "families" or "companions". Wanna know you are Lifetime movie bound? You call your roommates your "family".

And I am tired of vampires being EVERYWHERE! They're like the new beanie baby or something! What does this say about the modern young woman if she wants a potential bloodsucking murderer as a mate?! Can you say "self-esteem issues?", cause I can smell um. Let's be real wonder women, and go for the living? Yes? Because really, all a vampire is, is a zombie who can carry on a conversation. And aren't there survival guides out all about how to AVOID zombies?

Yeah. Pass on the vampire phase.

Living and breathing, WW