The Holiday Season (Part VI)

Very Merry Christmas and Yule Tide

Christmas. Possibly one of the most commercialized and beloved holidays in these United States. Every year like clock work all the stores and television programs adjust themselves to go green and red, as it were, for this holiday. It's the big one, the show.

Not to say that any of the other holidays in the season are less than. They have somehow managed to retain their integrity and NOT sell out like a member of the Black Eyed Peas. Christmas, it seems, lost a lot of integrity to gain notoriety. I don't know what's worse, being famous for rumors, or being average for merits.
So how did it get here? How did Christmas arrive to be one of the world's most known, and celebrated (ish) holidays? Well wonder women, all goes back to the pagans...ah yes, those fun loving pagans.

Celebrating the winter solstice has been a long tradition in many pagan cultures. The Scandinavian pagans, for example, celebrated the solstice from the end of December to the beginning of January. It was a celebration of rebirth. The hard days of winter were passing by, and the coming days of spring were fast approaching...sort of. Winter can feel a lot longer than it really is. Most European nations would celebrate the solstice with a feast and party like it was 1099.
In Rome a celebration of the god Saturn took place in the winter. This festival allowed a little topsey, turvey fun. Masters would take the place of their servants, and vice versa. Much partying and getting down, like the Europeans but much more armored. A particular Roman holiday was celebrated on December 25, the birthday of the infant god Mithra, who would conquer the sun. This holiday was the most sacred among some Romans.

Christmas, the actual holiday, had a rocky start for Americans. Pilgrims didn't like the long standing traditions of "getting jiggy with it" and banned the holiday. In fact, the holiday was so frowned upon that anyone showing any Christmas cheer was fined five shillings. Lame. Christmas was not declared a federal holiday in the United States until 1870. Double Lame. You could say that the founding members of our nation were a bunch of Scrooges.

The 19th century was when Christmas started to make a turn around. For a long time it was still associated with parties, frivolity, and even gang riots. The switch from this to a family centered holiday was really a means to control people in winter, keep them from running ragged in the streets. And what could keep you inside more than a call from your mother, expecting you at 5:00pm? And who could forget the Dickens' classic, A Christmas Carol? That single work of literature focused on the charity, love, and warm fuzzies the Christmas season brings. This once again pushed people out of the drunken streets and into their homes where they belonged.

So really, all Christmas is is a 19th century guilt trip? All it ever was was one big awesome party Dickens had to snuff out. Hmmm, I hope it's a little more than that.

Thoughts? WW

The Holiday Season (Part V)

Hanukkah Times are Rockin' Times

Hanukkah began last night. The Festival of Lights. The one where there are eight nights. The holiday that serves really good food. The one that Adam Sandler sings a song about. That thing they talk about in "Hershall and the Hanukkah Goblins", one of my personal favorites. You know, HANUKKAH!

But what is Hanukkah, anyway? Why is it spelled so many ways? Why do people get all bent out of shape because they have to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" this time of year? Well here I am everyone, an unofficial guide to the wonderful world of the Festival of Lights.

Hanukkah, also spelled Chanukah, Hanukah, and Hanuka, is a celebration of a very old Jewish holiday. It falls sometime between late November to late December (the holiday SEASON, people!) according to the lunar calendar and lasts eight nights. Each night a candle is lit on a menorah (Hanukiyah in Israel), a prayer is spoken, and presents are passed around. Good times. The holiday celebrates the Jewish victory over the Syrians about 2100 years ago, give or take. Because of this victory, the Jewish Temple was recaptured...(watch out, this is when the miracle happens!)

But no! The Syrians, in all their evil pagan ways, had really left the temple pretty beat. And they had only left enough stored oil so the Jews could burn their holy lights for one day. It would take eight days to acquire more. Well, they lit that puppy up anyway, and wouldn't you know it? The lights were glowing the whole eight days. MIRACLE! I love miracle holidays, they're wonderful.

And you know what comes with miracle holidays wonder women? FOOD. Yes, glorious, wonderful, amazing food. I believe that all the great holidays have it, and all the lesser ones lack it. Hanukkah could very well be the king of the food holidays. It's got the goods. Because of the special part oil has in the Hanukkah miracle, oil is used in making a lot of the goodies. Latkes, a fried potato pancake, is one of the most famous. Fried up and served with sour cream, butter, and/or apple sauce (my favorite) it could warm the coldest night. Sufganiyot, also served, is a fried jelly donut that is often not shaped so can come out looking pretty funny but pretty darn delicious. It's a donut, I mean, how could it not?

The Festival of Lights. Miracles, menorahs and delicious. Sounds like everyone's kind of holiday.

Deliciously yours, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part VI)

I bet you've all been wondering why this wonder woman hasn't been mentioning Wonderland all that much. I bet you've been saying to yourself: "Hey, how's that Wonder Woman of ours doing with that book place?"

All right, so maybe you haven't been ACTIVELY thinking about it. But just in case, I'll give you a little window into this wonder woman's world:
It's the Christmas season. 'Tis the season to be jolly. Apparently the rough translation of "jolly" in Wonderland is "noun, meaning major anger and or annoyance, on the verge of drastic actions against other human beings". I was not aware of this culture difference.

In the past week, as the air has turned rough and cold, I have been threatened, yelled at, picked at, overwhelmed, eyes have been rolled, lines have been made, and my job has been called into question by just a few "jolly" customers. It's only the first week of December. I can only imagine how wonderful Wonderland will become as the holidays draw closer and closer. I am preparing for battle wonder women, a full fledged battle on Wonderland and its inhabitants. The only problem: where does a wonder woman buy her ammunition?

Armed and terrified, WW

The Holiday Season (Part IV)

Thanksgiving: Take Two

Here are a few little facts to drizzle over your mashed potatoes and dinner conversation tomorrow evening when your Great Uncle George painfully wants to talk about the time he was stationed in some where or other and then gets stuck in a bunker that actually wasn't a bunker but an out post and how his war buddy who was with him is now a pastor that someone he thought you knew in college might have baptized...

FACT: Abraham Lincoln declared that Thanksgiving should be celebrated the last Thursday of every November. The true first Thanksgiving took place on December 4th.

FACT: Thanksgiving was not made a true national holiday until 1941.

FACT: 1621 was the year of the first Thanksgiving. Pilgrims and Wampanoag Indians sat down for a festive harvest celebration. This was actually a common practice among many American Indian tribes through out the nation.

FACT: The only two foods known for sure to be served at the first Thanksgiving were wild fowl and venison. Sorry Bambi's mom...

FACT: Minnesota is the top turkey producing state in these United States. Only six states in the whole union are believed to produce a third of the birds consumed by the nation.

FACT: Roughly 690 million pounds of turkey are consumed on Thanksgiving.

FACT: The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was once the Macy's Christmas Parade to get shoppers excited for the upcoming season of giving. Snoopy has made an appearance at said parade more times than any other character.

If that isn't enough to keep conversation light and interesting, please RESIST THE URGE to bring up any of the following:

• Global Warming
• The fact that the turkey served is really not turkey but tofurky, and isn't it cool you can't taste the difference?!
• That awesome job you just landed (ok, you can mention this, but for no longer than five minutes. Everyone who is unemployed or hates their mediocre jobs will be gripping their knives a little too menacingly)
  
• How much recently passed Aunt Enid would have loved to see her prized crystal centerpiece put to good use.
• The TRUE end to the first Thanksgiving (unless everyone at the table is on the same page on the matter)
• How much better the host's house looks when they put a little effort into it
• Health care

And finally...

• The dry, over cooked, practically rock hard turkey your host worked all day on

I hope all of you have a lovely, wonderful Thanksgiving, and please be thankful for your blessings and good thoughts.

Being Thankful, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Automobiles

Almost every cold blooded American owns a car. In these times of economic strife some even live in them. A wonder woman, this wonder woman to be exact, has a special relationship with her automobile. A 'love/hate' relationship really.

My car is the living embodiment of 'busted up'. A glory in its own right, the grey paint is chipping away, the engine doesn't quite catch very well anymore, the upholstery is shredding away from the foam, and the floors always seem to catch any or all dust, dirt, grime, hair or other ugly unseemly particle. And that's just the good stuff.

Despite its terrible appearance and known quality to intimidate passengers, I do love that car. It's been passed down from superman, to superman, to wonder woman, and it has always been very connected to those who drive it. Few understand the way the engine seems to smile as you pass 50 miles an hour and just let that little Supernova fly. I do, and I love it.

Unfortunately just yesterday the Supernova and I did not see eye to eye. I was taking him out for a spin to the public library (I am a wonder woman after all, frequent visits are a must to keep up with the times) and after a quick drop off and pick up, we were headed home. The windows were rolled up, because a slight nip was in the air. Unusual for the Supernova, since the air conditioning leaks on the driver's feet and the fans blast hot air most of the time. But I didn't mind. Sleigh bells and turkeys and all that ho ho ho business were clouding my thoughts. The romantic notion that the windows being rolled up meant winter was upon us was practically singing in my brain.

I get off the freeway, listen to my wonderful music and sing out and loud, and head home. My purse, books and phone all nestled in the passenger's seat beside me. I make the slow turn onto my street and then...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!!!!!!!!!!

BAM!!!!

Stop.

Everything stopped. I panic.

"Crap! It really died!" was the first thing I thought.

I thought that car would drive forever, like your first pet or that one hit wonder on the radio. I turn the Supernova off, wait, and turn him on again. Nothing. Only flashing engine lights, emergency break lights, and every other light that flashes red. I decide to get out.

I circle the car, looking at all the tires and touching the hood of the car to see if he's hot. He's hot all right, just like his name. I decide to get back in and give it one more go at starting up. And then I see them, my keys, in the ignition. I look at the door, locked. The windows rolled up for seasons greetings. All of a sudden my purse, phone and books didn't look so cozy, they looked downright gluttonous on the inside of that car.

"Damn. Crap...What the hell?!" I don't encourage wonder women to use profanity in any way. It is distasteful unless used in light humor, and usually just makes everyone around you uncomfortable. But times like this, it's ok.

A few people up the street saw the whole thing.
"You need help honey?" a woman said. She walks down the road to meet me.
"Yeah, my car broke down, and I locked my keys inside when I went to look at it."

In that small conversation an instant relaxation came over me. Another wonder woman, I could sense it. She had it written in her very DNA. Even superheroes need saving, and boy did she ever help a wonder woman out. AAA was called, a tow truck came, phone calls were made, cars busted into and keys restored in the proper hands.

All I can say is, God Bless Wonder Women, WW

Reality TV

The children of today will be the first generation raised in the world of reality television. Think about that for a few moments.

....

......


............

Scary, isn't it? These precious little children will know nothing of TGIF or the golden age. They have:
Super Sweet 16, Survivor, COPS, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser, Pimp My Ride, The Hills, Laguna Beach, Flavor of Love, Wife Swap, Supernanny,
Top Chef, Project Runway, The Swan, 18 Kids and Counting, 16 & Pregnant, ANTM, American Idol, Big Brother, Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity Fit Club, Deadliest Catch, Hell's Kitchen, Jackass, I Love New York, Newlyweds, Jon and Kate Plus 8, So You Think You Can Dance, Queer Eye, The Girls Next Door, The Simple Life, What Not To Wear, and of course, The Real World.

What's sad is that isn't even half the reality shows that are on television. Those are only the ones this wonder woman could think of. And that is equally sad.

We are smothered with 'reality'. Story has gone out the drain and we're left to simply watch ourselves. But that's not even true. The people who end up on a lot of these shows are not at all like any person I have ever met. They're like caricature's of archetypes, people pretending to be people. It makes your head spin just trying to decompress all the mask wearing and fake behavior to try and really see the truly wonderful human condition.

So these kids, who have grown up with all this reality, do they know the difference between reality and reality?

Pondering, WW

The Holiday Season (Part III)

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was founded in honor of the first meal between the Puritan settlers and the native people of America. We commemorate this by gathering all family members to the same table once a year to have a large and festive meal together. The meal follows strict rules and seems to be the one meal that everyone cow-tows to. On the menu:

Turkey
Cranberries
Pumpkin Pie
Stuffing
Mashed Potatoes
Gravy

People spice up family events all year long with their own cultures and traditions, but Thanksgiving is sacred. Thanksgiving is something that cannot be tampered with. It is the American meal personified, and therefore cannot be anything other than what we have been told.

Or can it...?

As my radical suggestion for this holiday, this holiday season: I suggest that the traditional Thanksgiving dinner concept be tossed out the window and something new and creative take its place. A meal that represents the true America of today:

Wontons
Irish Corned Beef
Spaghetti
Thai flat noodle soup
Tacos
Funfetti cake for dessert

I'm just throwing it out there, something wonderful could emerge.

Drafting a menu, WW.

A Heavy Helping of Reality

First off I must apologize to all those readers out there. I have not been so wonderful in keeping you up with tips, guidelines and adventures. This is in part due to the massive amount of reality I have been served in the past few days. Far too much reality.

How to Serve Reality: A Basic Recipe/Directional

Paperwork. Paperwork goes to an office. A fee is paid. That's done.

Meetings. Meetings take place in which more paperwork is received. Deadlines are told and tests are addressed. More things to do.

Going over old paperwork. Giving it one more glance over before sending it off. See a few things, make a few changes. Feel weird about sending it out now that the last glance over caused a change.
More things to do.

Dishes. Dishes need to be washed in order to make room for more dishes that are being dirtied. That's never done.

Work. Go to work in order to get more paperwork (work paperwork) that needs to be done. Along with emails, filing, meetings and dishes at work. That's always going to have to be done.

Leisure time...that's...wait. Have I had any real leisure time in the past week...?
Leisure time optional (aka never happening)

Gas. Gas needs to be got in order to drive to deliver paperwork, and work, and optional leisure time. Gas is a constant. (Unless a more fuel efficient vehicle is ever achieved)

Serve with or without dessert. Leave to fester for a few days/hours (depending on urgency) for optimum freak out.

Serving a heaping helping of reality,WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part V)

This wonder woman had a small realization just yesterday evening:

I was visiting with some friends and an undisclosed ice cream/shaved ice shop when the topics of vacations came up. It occurred to me with startling clarity that I don't even know if I will get some of these upcoming holidays off because of the essence of Wonderland. This ain't no bank holiday gig.

So what is a wonder woman to do? I don't even earn vacation days until working for at least a full 12 months. 12 MONTHS! The sweat started to collect in my armpits (forgive the over-share). I realized I was stuck in one of those terrible rabbit holes. Not the dreamy, oh so fanciful kind that serve you tea and you get to play crochet. The real kind, that have jagged edges and worms. Reality bites.

The search is on. How do you get out of Wonderland?

The Holiday Season (Part II)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN all you wonder women out there!! Tonight's that night, spooky winds, werewolves, vampires, and ghosts. It's so devilish you could just squeal! (Please don't)
Are there any of any of you GOING as our mentor this Halloween? Please, take photos for prosperity. (Wonder women like photos for prosperity).

Halloween is a fun holiday, let's face it. While Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah are mainly focused on family get-togethers and behaving nicely, Halloween is a night to be spent with friends, candy, and unmannerly behavior. What's more fun than that?! Plus the costumes really bring out the kid in everyone. Wonder women love costumes. It's a fact. Our namesake ran around in one. But besides all the fun perks, Halloween has a special history that might be fun to hear close to a roaring fire, no lights on, and after two or three scary movies.

All Hallows Eve was begun by the pagans (those zany pagans) as a ritual of betweens. It celebrating the end of spring (life) and the beginning of winter (death). The between time was believed so powerful that spirits could flow back and forth from their world to ours. There was no set date of All Hallows Eve, it was merely determined as the priests (druids) saw fit. So when you have neo-pagan friends telling you they celebrate Halloween as a religious holiday, throw THAT one in their face. Keeps them on their toes.

The spirit of Halloween simply wouldn't die. Ironic, yes. The Christian church tried time and time again to smash out Halloween as something evil and devil influenced. To be fair, there were no wonder women in the church in those days, so they wouldn't have been able to speak up for the sake of merriment and good times. So they continually frowned upon it. However, Halloween kept coming up with a vengeance. Pagans are hard to crack. So instead of destroy Halloween, Christians do what they do best, and assimilated Halloween into Christian ideas. Pretty tricky, huh?

At the turn of the last century was when the true fun was starting to be harvested from Halloween. Halloween parties and masks were introduced, and children ate it up. Halloween was purely a kid's holiday that grown ups liked to celebrate to please the little ankle biters. Eventually, wars broke out. They do that. Halloween got canned for the sake of money, and parents felt guilty and kids felt gypped. However, wars ended. They do that too. And in an odd twist, Halloween benefited the most. Halloween parties post-world war two were incredibly popular. Many scholars of culture studies believe the reason Halloween today is at such a high for popularity is because of the rich amount of love the baby boomers had for the holiday, and they simply can't let go. Neat, huh?

Stay tuned for more holiday season bits, and have an incredibly Happy Halloween, WW

Going Gluten Free

I'm not going to lie to all of you wonder women and supermen out there. I wouldn't do it, it's just not in my nature. My nature is to tell the whole ugly, tasteless truth about it all and that's exactly what I'm about to do. Buckle your seat belts, this is reality ride and you are TOO SHORT to be on it!

Until the words "gluten allergy" became apart of my regular dietary vocabulary, I never really gave much thought to how much or little of the stuff I ate. If it was good I ate it. If it was easy I would eat it. If it was delicious but difficult it would wait till the weekend. Unfortunately as any gluten free person will tell you, being delicious and easy is just not attainable yet. Science hasn't caught up with us poor defectives. We have to make due with the expensive, specialty foods available. After living this way for approximately a month I have discovered a few tips to going gluten free if any of you are dying to purge your body of toxins, preservatives and/or calorie rich foods. I'm not going to say it's easy, I'm just trying to give you tips. I'm a wonder woman, I'm not God.

1) All gluten free baking mixes are DELICIOUS. Betty Crocker is definitely a wonder woman. She somehow captured the cupcakes, brownies, cookies and cakes in their natural state without adding wheat flour. It's a modern miracle.

2) All gluten free breads are terrible. Trust me. I have not had a single one worthy of eating. They are all very dry, which means they make relatively good toast. However, they are all pretty dense, meaning they have no business on a sandwich. I have yet to have a sandwich since going gluten free, a sad little testament to the times...

3) If you buy mixes of certain foods you absolutely love, make them on the weekends and freeze for the rest of the week. It's much easier to microwave up what you're craving than having to strenuously try and MAKE it while you've got the munchies. When you have the time, use it to your advantage.

4) You may experience odd side effects to going gluten free. I've heard everything from sleeping soundly to developing MORE food sensitivity. Be cautious and aware of how your body is reacting. Everyone is different, and for most this is a positive change. Just be aware.

5) When you can, BUY GLUTEN FREE DONUTS!

I don't know if this helps any of you out there, but it would have helped me had I known a month ago.

Desperately seeking flour, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part IV)

Wonderland is starting to run more smoothly. Things are settling and the wonderlanders are not so nervous about the currency exchange anymore. The holidays are on their way, and currencies usually bounce back then.

Meanwhile, the wonder woman, me, is given the responsibilities she was brought through the looking glass for! Emails, conference calls, messages, wheeling and dealing. Yes, this wonder woman was back in all her glory. Managing two large projects while making sales and helping those browsing Wonderland. But, too much of a good thing can always lead to disaster...

8 hours. 480 minutes. 45 emails. All those emails must be written individually because Wonderland has not updated software since the dark ages. Copy, past, send. Copy, past, send. Copy, paste, send...all copy and no paste makes this wonder woman wanna scream! But don't worry, I maintained my cool. I'm a wonder woman, not a serial killer. I kept my sanity with a few tried and true methods I've come up with over the years when isolated and bored:

1) Talk to myself
2) Make faces at the computer like it's a baby
3) Eat the free chocolate in the samples box
4) Have random drum solos with nothing but my index fingers and desk

Don't judge. I'm not crazy yet. And I still have my wonderful sense of humor

Making cross eyes, WW

The Holiday Season (Part I)

It's true. There is a change in the wind. A change that comes every year as the leaves turn and the merchandise in stores booms with twinkling lights and red and green tables. It's the holidays wonder women, a time that either brings cheer or fear for so many.

The holiday season comes in a series of large block holidays that most out in the cyber world celebrate. It begins with Halloween (apologies anti-pagans), followed by Thanksgiving (apologies native Indians of the United States), Hanukkah (apologies Seleucid ancestors), Christmas (apologies Chosen People), Kwanzaa (apologies non-candle sellers), and Ramadan (apologies caterers). But for the sake that time cannot allow this wonder woman to speak of ALL holidays in the holiday season in one simple guide, I will break down the season into parts.

Part I: Halloween

All Hallows Eve. Such a dark, creepy, fun time for all ages. It's when ghosts, goblins, vampires, witches and zombies can make a special appearance. And what a concept? Any person can dress up as a silly character, knock on a door, say the magic words, and voia la: treats. It does beg the question though:

What if they picked trick?

It's part of the deal, really. You ask: "Trick or treat", so obviously someone has the choice of picking trick. And it seems nobody has for such a long time that the candy corporations are making bank. So I wonder, do the little scamps who knock on your door and beg the question, are THEY prepared for the other option? Or are they in it just for the candy?

For the sake of science and understanding, I ask all of you wonder women out there to play a little trick of your own this Halloween. I ask that all of you demand a decent trick from the costumed moochers before giving them any treats. Qualifying tricks include: Penny behind the ear, card magic, an April Fool's, gymnastics, and any kind of disappearing act. You can be the judge about what kind of tricks justify treats. But remember the fun. Be safe. And don't be the stingy neighbor with toothbrushes, please.

Ghoulishly, WW

Hiatus

Dear Wonder Women and Supermen,

How do you say good bye to the one little spirit you always loved, and knew loved you unconditionally? It's hard. You cry. You have to remember to keep moving forward. The Guide may not be as daily this week as past, this wonder woman needs to say good bye to her side kick, a little pooch she loved so much and always ran to her with a smile.

WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Test Taking

Have any of you ever walked into a entry with its perimeter completely surrounded by wonder women?! This wonder woman has...it can be quite the intimidation. But let me rewind and set the scene.

Things are not all wonderful in Wonderland. The pay is not so great, and the Duchess has been lopping off the hours like there's no tomorrow. So, like any wonder woman in this situation I took it upon myself to find something a little better. I'm not out for the stars or anything, just something a little better. Anyway, something a little better responded last Friday when this wonder woman received an email saying she had been selected as part of a job search to take an exam for an education position. All right! I responded promptly and was told to be at the exam no later than 12:15.

I arrive, at 12:14 (I am wonderful, after all) and walk through the glass doors with my head held high. When they open I see a huge board room entrance with every inch of perimeter covered in wonder women just like me waiting for the exam to begin. They were all ages, backgrounds, and I can only assume levels of wonder. All of them did have to have the same length of hair, which I found a little funny and laughed. Have you ever had one hundred plus wonderful eyes look at you at once...?

We were led to the board room, checked in with official photo ID, given our pencils and scantrons. We were told by the proctor that because of the high amount of applicants the only way to make it to the third round of 'interviews' was to score no less than 90% on the exam. I admit it, I gulped. Who knew public education had such high standards?

One hundred questions. Half in language arts, half in math, and a small amount in classroom management. One hour and ten minutes later I was walking out of that impressive group one test down and a little fearful. I was rusty on multiplying fractions. I didn't know there would be fractions. Even rustier on long multiplication turns out. I never knew how much I relied on calculators till I was denied one.

The results should be emailed to us this evening. Is this wonder woman in the top ten percent of her own kind?! Stay tuned, WW.

Gardening

This wonder woman enjoys being outside, and when the outside that surrounds her is overgrown, spider ridden and dead, she takes action. Today I spent the morning and afternoon pruning, sweeping, de-potting and generally maintaining the yards of my residence. It seems that the place had (forgive the pun) gone to pot.

Gardening can be one of the more rewarding past times. You are helping to maintain a natural world within your own. If you do your research of your own geographic location you can discover what plants attract beautiful wildlife and really create your own little ecosystem. Just be aware: there are some critters that can hurt your garden as much as help it!

If au natural isn't your thing when it comes to your yard, try something a little exotic! Eastern rock gardens are zen, simple and clean. Little to no plants to take care of, only the sweet sands and brush to create beautiful patterns and paths. Add a fountain, gong and shoots of bamboo and you have complete tranquility. Just don't let the dog run out there...but I suppose it's all about the journey, not the destination.

Not fancy enough? Try a full blown fairy garden. That's right, a fairy garden. (If you don't believe, please clap and shout "I do believe in fairies" several times before proceeding) Sprinkle some tulips in your garden for their houses, mushrooms for their shields, and ivy for their clothes. I'm not making this up! Search the world wide web for fairy garden recommendations, from the believable to the flat crazy. A word of caution: some fairy garden plants are poisonous to pets, so think before you plant.

Just remember: gardening is timeless. Many things swing in and out of fashion, but a beautiful yard always impresses.

Planting, WW.

Wonder Woman and Adventures with Birds

This wonder woman received an email on Friday evening about taking a test to qualify for a certain education job (it's comforting to know that you have to meet a certain intelligence to gain access to the education field). While I was working out the last little kinks in the details of the test time an echoing thud happened upon my window.

I looked, but didn't see anything in particular. I got back to my compi and was working out the details again. BLAM! Thud whacks again. I turned, this time quick enough, to see a brown bird sitting on a hanging potted plant. It looks at me, with this 'are you who I'm looking for?' kind of expression. It then proceeds to plow into the window.

After the first reaction of confusion and concern wore off, I noticed it looks at me again, annoyed that I didn't invite it in. It plows into the window again, and again! And again! That brown bird slammed into the window about ten times before it flew down to the ground and walked to the screen door, waiting to be invited in.

It's very strange having an appointment you didn't know you made. Especially with a species that by all logical sense doesn't make appointments. You don't know if you're being rude, or the other party is. Do you invite them in? Do you ignore them? I mean, I'm a wonder woman and I don't even know the protocol for something like this.

Needless to say, I didn't invite the brown bird in, despite its best efforts to make its appointment with me. It flew back up to the potted plant, smashed on the window a half a dozen times more, and then vanished in the autumn wind. I went back to my computer, and the world returned to the way it should.

Regretting missing an appointment, WW

Free Days

Everybody knows just when things get so stupid you want to punch a kitten that's when Lady Fate decides to be nice and throw you a bone. I got mine this morning when a little voice mail told me I was not needed at work today, so I got another day to rest and restore my health.

But what do you do with a free day given to you by Fate? You can't just waste it...can you? Well, break down the logic. If this day was NOT given out as a freebee, you would'nt have done anything productive anyway, so you're really not losing any time, right? So why not take this free day as a time to enjoy the things you usually don't have time to enjoy: junk food, TV, trashy magazines and the all important reclining sofa. There is no need to be shy about it either, if you've got fat pants wear them. If you don't brush your teeth, nobody will ever know. Hell, this would be the perfect time to try on every item of clothing you own and bask in how wonderful you look in it.
Free days are a gift from God. A blessing. Treat them differently than other days. If you're slammed for time and you're given a free day it's a way for you to get caught up. If you haven't had a vacation day in weeks and along comes a free day it's the time to bust out the bunny slippers and mint chocolate chip. And if you've been sick for a week and get slammed with a free day it's time to count your blessings and recuperate another day.

Getting better, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Blood Tests (Part II)

The blood work is back. The results are in: this wonder woman has a kryptonite and it's gluten. No more baked goods, no more pasta; seems I've got to do my intestine a solid and hold back on the wheat. Funny how the one thing that never upset my poor little stomach was the one thing causing all the trouble. Another one of life's little ironies I suppose.

And another little irony? Just when you get your hopes up is when there is none left. Turns out the interviewing process for the Destiny Job has already begun. This wonder woman did not get a call. So here I am, sickly and still in Wonderland, with no more crumpets for my tea. As I've said before, when it rains it pours, and the wind has certainly changed that storm.

Under the umbrella, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Sickness (Part II)

Have you ever woken up at 1am to realize that your decongestant medication wore off?

........

I have.

Compressed, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Sickness

Sickness stinks. Take it from me. It is the one thing that renders a wonder woman's powers useless and turns her into a whiny little four year old in little to no time. Nothing sounds fun, nothing sounds enlightening. All you want to do is bury yourself under a thick blanket, eat gallons of chicken soup and watch trashy movies all day long. I would be doing that in my current state, that being:

Symptoms: Blisters on the back of the throat
lost voice
aches and pains
fatigue
small fever
COUGH! Hoo delalee a cough...

But, I am not. No, I am not spending my days watching how boy met girl, fell for girl, lost girl and then got her back again. No, I'm working. Ah yes, work. Everybody's favorite pass time. What could make it even more fun? A deep, heaving, nausea causing cough, that's what! Such joy, such wonder. If only they made everyday, just like today.

Sickly, WW

Movie Films

This wonder woman LOVES going to the movies. It's one of my favorite things. I don't know why. It must be the combination of my intense love of popcorn and almost equal love for sitting. Over the years I have seen many films because of this little passion of mine, and I have developed a small opinion on the types of movies that come out. And, of course, because I'm so wonderful, I'm going to share those opinions with all of you wonderful people.

Drama- A classic never dies. If you are in a particularly intelligent, angsty, or pretentious mood a drama is a good score. They usually are the movies that got the Academy wrapped around their little finger and dominate the Best Picture category. Expect lots of night scenes, tears, suspense and maybe one or two scenes you wouldn't want to watch with Mom and Dad.

Documentary- Real reality on your TV. Documentary can vary depending on the topic of the filmmakers. This is truly a grab bag category, but nobody wants to admit it. But really, you can get anything from the flight of birds to a high school's presidential elections. The only problem: sometimes no script means no story...or does it?

Comedy- One of the big money makers. Anyone and everyone loves to laugh. From screw ball to dark, whatever your humor or pleasure you can find a comedy that will tickle your funny bone. If you're having a bad day, this would be a good one to run with. The best cure for a frown is a smile...or something corny like that.

Action- Hold onto your hats! This category is one that will leave you breathless and at the edge of your seats. Your pulse will race and you will sweat buckets if it's a good one, you'll squirm in your seat if it's a bad one. The truth is with all the advancements in technologies this category has been the most effected. Gone are the days of awesome stunt double scene where a guy hangs from a moving helicopter. Now we've got a computer to insert a dude in there. But, don't get me wrong, nothing, NOTHING is better than a great action flick.

Romantic Comedy-Another classic that doesn't seem to die. There was a dry spell for a while there when this wonder woman thought the golden age of romantic comedies died along with the rainforest and talking on your cell in the car. But again, there are still some out there gasping for air among the sea of terrible, terrible romantic comedies. My recommendation? Unless a FRIEND recommends, wait till they come out on DVD.

Horror- One word: EW. If you are one of those people who likes to be scared stupid at the movies it's because you haven't ever really been scared in real life. You are spoiled. For everyone else, just don't bother. Life is too real to pay ten dollars to be scared out of your mind.

Foreign- Que pasa? If you really, really want to look cool in front of your friends suggest a foreign film. Subtitles usually turn people off. Smart people like subtitles, smart people are cultured. Wanna make a good impression? Go foreign.

Musicals-There has been some what of a revival as of late in this category. Once considered a dinosaur of old Hollywood the movie musical is quickly becoming the new money maker. Think about it: musicals must have soundtracks, soundtracks become CDs. Come Christmas you've got a CD and DVD to sell, and twice the money! And those tunes do put a skip in your step.

Classics-To end with, the classics really don't die. If you ever get the opportunity to see one of the golden oldies on a big screen, don't walk, run. Some of those films were meant for the long panorama screen and can only truly be appreciated as cinematic art when in a theatre. The costumes, the glamour, the wonder.

Viewing, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Destiny

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe in karma? The Greeks believed that fate was really three old women, blind. They determined our death by cutting our soul's string with jagged rusty scissors. Calvinist Christians believed that God knew exactly who would be the chosen people to ascend into Heaven, even before they were born. It all seems so eerie and managed. This wonder woman knows that a lot of people don't really like the idea of something or someone else running their lives, and who could blame them? We have free will, we want some credit for our actions...or do we?

Whatever YOUR beliefs on destiny, this wonder woman had to pause today and wonder about it. Because of the cut hours and the sudden supply of free time, I met a few friends for lunch to catch up and chat (lunch dates are so very vital). As the conversation flowed, it was brought to my attention that one of my dear buddies worked for an office that I applied for earlier in the month. I mentioned my application and how it was never responded to. She replies that they will be looking over application in the next week, and she has a little pull in who they choose to hire. We giggle with delight about the prospect of being co workers.

Later on, she excuses herself to the job we were just discussing. Then my other comrade and myself continue chatting. As we jabber, the big boss of that very office walks up and strikes up conversation. She asks how I am, what's going on with me. I mention the application and how I'm looking for better work. She mentions seeing my application and says things will open up. As she walks off my friend smiles.
"That is too weird..."

Loving the weird, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part III)

Wonderland is amiss...

At the Wonderland morning Town Hall meeting it became very clear that the currency exchange was becoming an issue. Sales in every department were down, down, down that rabbit hole and no one knew why or how.

"But it was so busy!" Pipped in the White Rabbit.
"I could barely keep up with all the customers!" Shouted a Wonderlander from the back.
"Maybe we're just a glorified office...being used for our internet and coffee," mused the Mad Hatter.

Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, Wonderland was looking gloomy and something had to be done. The Duchess thought and thought of a solution to her little problem. Payroll could not be met with all this silly sales business, and Wonderlanders were beginning to worry themselves sick. Then came the most remarkable solution she could possibly dream of: the wonder woman.

Oh yes, it was me. I was the solution. Don't fret, I'm not fired or anything permanent like that. I'm simply losing hours, after hours. Shifts after shifts. In fact, you could say that I have lost all my scheduled hours for almost five days. You can say it, because it's true.

But I won't complain. I'll hold my head up high and not think less of them. Times are hard. We've all had to make sacrifices. A little less outings here, one less pair of wonderful boots there...yes, sacrifices are the key to bring Wonderland back to order. Plus, with all this free time, this wonder woman can find something better.

Shopping for employment, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part II)

Tumbling down the rabbit hole is tougher than it sounds. Long hours, short breaks, blisters...all part of a day's work, right?

This wonder woman is a planner, I always has been. I start to punch numbers once I have some information to punch. The numbers aren't good. It seems the currency in Wonderland does not exchange well with the real world. In fact, the currency is so bad that this wonder woman will most likely have to get a second job just to make ends meet.

And I know what you're thinking, a raise will make things a little more wonderful. Raises are always on the horizon. Unfortunately, this wonder woman read the fine print. It wasn't good. Raises only after one full year of service in Wonderland. The looking glasses are at every turn. The mirrors reflecting back at me this despondent reflection. It's all so sad and grey. This wonder woman feeling less than wonderful. What kind of universe do we live in when a real life wonder woman feels anything less than WONDERFUL?!

Changes have to be made. Edits have to occur. The only question is how far does Wonderland keep its visitors, and are they invited for tea?

Other Wonder Women to Admire

Role models are key when trying to be wonderful in day to day life. We can slip up every now and again, so having one or two wonder women in our minds to use as examples helps quite a bit. If you were about to tell off that bozo who cut you off on the free way, but thought what would Mother Teresa do in your place, you may think twice before you whip out the bird.

Some wonder women to keep in mind when angry, as mentioned above: the Virgin Mary (...can't really top that one)

When you're need inspiration: Suzan-Lori Parks, Georgia O'Keefe, Frida Kahlo, Toni Morrison, Meryl Streep

When you want to change the world: Michelle Obama, Esther, Queen Rania of Jordan, Rosa Parks, Coco Chanel, your mother

Just generally wonderful role models: Bette Midler, Queen Latifah, Heidi Klum, Idina Menzel and (of course) Oprah

Remember: YOU ARE A WONDER WOMAN! All of the lovely ladies above are your role models because they never compromised who they are or what they believed for anyone. That is what makes a wonder woman truly wonderful, being herself.

Wonder Woman and Adventures with Free Stuff

I don't know when it happened, I don't know how it happened, but somehow this wonder woman has been getting STUFF in the mail. And I'm not speaking of the basic stuff that everyone gets: junk, bank statements, catalogues. No. I mean I have been getting actual STUFF in the mail. Various charity organizations have been giving this wonder woman things.

I have accumulated in the past two months: three sets of return address stickers (each approximately 54-108 stickers to a set), two sets of stamps, seven animal facts cards (full color and pull out for further info), a free gift card for more animal facts cards (pending mailing in the card, which I did), two sets of notepads (recycled paper), a monthly newsletter, a magazine, and one dream catcher.

And I know what you're thinking: she gave money. Well, the answer is yes, this wonder woman did give to a wildlife charity back in May, but hardly worth all the attention for! Nature has given me thousands of priceless memories and experiences, so I gave a little back to help. I didn't expect nature to send me presents! It's like Christmas in the mailbox all year long.

In a spirit of good cheer, WW

Sense of Style

I am not one of those wonder women who spends her whole paycheck on diamonds, rubies, or designer leggings. I'm a saver. However, every wonder woman should have something about the way they dress that has a quality, a thing, a look, that makes it distinctly them.

Usually a wonder woman needs no help in this area. She is simply drawn to the things she finds attractive, and they start to form a pattern. Example: Wonder Woman sees a blue dress with a pink sash, she likes. Wonder Woman also sees a little ballet flat in pink. She likes. A delicate silver chain with a silver mock bow. She likes. Put this all together and what do you have? Style ladies, style.

Everyone should have their OWN style. No wonder woman just tries something in a magazine because the magazine says it's cool. A wonder woman sees the trend before it is one. Hell, she starts it. What gives a woman style is that she understands the difference between trend and herself. She likes what she likes. If the magazines have a VERSION of it, then fine. If they don't...then you just won't be on the cover of Vogue anytime soon, will you? Style is timeless. Trends tell time. Remember shoulder pads? Ew.

Pad-less, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part I)

The first day. The first day you enter into a new employment venture can be the most terrifying thing you ever do. Your palms sweat, you forget your lunch, you listen instead of speak. You can be the most wonderful wonder woman of them all, but a first day on the job can take the wind right out of your sails.

I enter the bookseller at 7:30am, on the dot. The Duchess is in a whirlwind. She's got carts of books. She's got clip boards. She got paperwork. She's got a look in her eye that screams: Don't mess! I've got a knife! I realize I've really fallen down the rabbit hole. I'm taken to the back where I have to read the Wonderland Bookseller Bible. I'm greeted by various Wonderlanders. They all seem nice and interesting. All with long hair and almond spectacles. All wear earth tones and big shoes. There are wine-o's, and now I see there are bookies. I can sense a ripple in Wonderland though, a tension that cannot surface on its own.

After the brief Wonderland Bookseller Town Hall Meeting, the Duchess informs me this was a bad day to start. A popular book is making its debut on the market and a Wonderlander's husband didn't make it through the night. I'm a back burner thought. It's no problem though. This wonder woman has had her fair share of sudden tragedy. Sudden tragedy is a startle for the inexperienced, a turn in the wind for ones with insight.

So the day was not as planned. I was given the Wonderland Bookseller Seller's Tutorial booklet, a register, and was left alone to find my own way out of the rabbit hole. I did. I AM a wonder woman, after all. But this wonder woman begins to wonder about herself... Are my powers being used for good, bad, or being lost through the looking glass?

Reflecting, WW.

Lunch Dates

Every wonder woman should have lunch dates with her fellow wonder women. It's a perfect way to catch up on your recent crime fighting, saving the world, and any supermen that have charmed one of the lunch date attenders. With any lunch date there are a few key things to remember:

Never go without taking a little more time in front of the mirror. We all like looking good, but we LOVE looking good for our friends/significant others. So bust out that cute little outfit you've been dying to wear out on the town. Your girlfriends will love it just as much as you.

Agree on a place that fits your taste buds and wallets. Wallets should always take priority. If one wonder woman can afford more than another, then always ask the one with less money where SHE wants to go. It's polite, kind, and the right thing to do. Could you imagine going to some fancy place when you can barely make rent? How nervous would you be when the bill gets passed around?

Stay as long as you can! Lunch dates are meant for catching up and making new plans. They are not meant to be rushed. If you have plans after the lunch date, try to push the lunch time up further so you can feel relaxed and at ease while you dine and dish. What is better than lunch? Brunch.

And finally, never make lunch plans with anyone or anything you wouldn't want to. Lunch dates are sacred and holy things, reserved for the best of the best of your friends. It would be a tragedy to waste a lunch date on something silly like a business meeting, laundry, or (worse) someone you really, really just don't enjoy spending time with. Take the time for enjoyment. Don't take it for anything less.

Looking forward to lunching, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing (Part V)

A phone call yesterday led to a second interview today. 1:00pm with the booksellers. I try on a few outfits, trying to figure out what exactly business casual MEANS. After several failed attempts to capture the essence of bohemian professional I give up with a red cardigan and Mexican peasant top. After a quick lunch I drive over.

I'm not so nervous this time around. It may be my wonder woman powers were finally maturing or I'm just used it by now. I'm taken into the back of Bookseller Land, where the walls are not so flashy and the books are no where to be found. Have I fallen down the rabbit hole? The manager, the Queen of Bookseller Land, interviews me this time round. She wants to know about me and my adventures as a wonder woman. I tell. I'm hoping she's the Duchess, and not the Queen of Hearts. It's a nice little chat. Much more relaxed than previous interviews. Much more flowing instead of GO GO GO!

She asks if I have any questions. I only want to know when I can hear from them.
"Oh don't worry about that, I'm offering you the job," she replies. Well, it seems the adventures of a wonder woman CAN impress.

Employed, WW

Being Intelligent

I know what you're thinking: But I'm a wonder woman, I'm already intelligent! It comes with the package.

And you are right my friends. You are so very right. However, there is a slight difference between having intelligence and BEING intelligent. To have means you own, posses, or hold this quality. To be intelligent means that you have the IDENTITY of intelligence. A very distinct variation.

So, in order to show your intelligence, your gift, you must be willing to express your opinions. Nothing is more intelligent than having an opinion on issues of the day. In order to have an opinion, you must be informed on the issues. How can you have a view on anything if you know little to nothing about it? I implore you: READ READ READ!

Information is literally bursting from your fingertips these days. Your daily newspaper gives you information on your doorstep every day. The Internet has those newspaper's web pages for your viewing pleasure. Your local public library is stoked full of knowledge on almost anything you can wonder or dream about. There is no reason not to be informed other than lack of discipline.

We all have things going on. We all have responsibilities. We are all busy. Yet, some of us still find the time to be knowledgeable. This is what separates those who have intelligence, and those who are. The people who actively seek out the importance of past, present, and future; these are the people who are identified as intelligent. They are being intelligent. The ones who simply have it are wasting their minds with little this es and that's that fill their time and worries. They are ignoring what is most important: the greatness of humanity. By ignoring this, you no longer have your intelligence. You are relinquishing it.

Do not be so uninformed. Do not relinquish your intellect because it's easier or comfortable. Be intelligent.

Seeking wisdom, WW

Bring a Lonely Blogger

It's true. This wonder woman puts some time and effort into her blogs. She even rereads and edits sometimes just for kicks. I would say approximately 1-2.5 hours a day is devoted to these little lessons and stories I share with all of you out there in Cyberland. It's rewarding to write a little piece and then see it on your very own computer screen, glowing like a shiny new toy.

What makes it a little lonely is the lack of feedback. You put yourself out there day after day with no response. No comments. Crickets. Not even little check marks next to the fun, pre-made comments.
(Sigh).

Such is life, I suppose. To be a blogger you must be willing to be ignored. After all, there are literally THOUSANDS of other bloggers out there writing about their stuff. There's the one who writes about little notes he finds in used books. There's the one all about Tai Chi. I'm sure there's probably one out there for that obscure Japanese cartoon you were obsessed with when you were thirteen (or maybe you still are...?) Yet we soldier on, continuing our lonely quest to be read and responded to. Hopefully the internet will find a way to reach out to all of us. Give us each our moment to shine and have others find us and reply to our posts. Maybe this is why God doesn't always directly respond to everyone... too many blogs.

Waiting for your reply, WW

Labor Day

The irony of this holiday in this particular point in history did not escape this wonder woman. No, in fact it hit her like a jackknife to the chest.

We take aside one Monday in the year to celebrate the greatness of our own workforce. What it takes to run one of the world's largest economic powers is a workforce that doesn't mind that they get less vacation time than other nations, or that their prices are significantly higher, or their lives are literally bought and sold to insurance companies, conglomerates, and/or their place of work. No, they trudge on. They literally buy into the system that keeps some in the lowest of the low, and others in the highest of the high. Now more than ever.

As of today, this wonder woman's state unemployment is at 11.9%. A little more than a tenth of the population is trying desperately to find work, and to no success. We are the working horse of our own economy and reaping no rewards for it. Grossly over qualified citizens are applying for jobs that used to only require a high school diploma. Now they require a masters.

So I feel as though a small rant on the day in which we celebrate our own toil, industry, drudgery, effort and menial work when we are denied as much seemed appropriate. For many of us this is not a day off, simply one more day without a paycheck.

Unemployed, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing (Part IV)

The rainstorm continued yesterday with a second interview in twenty-four hours. Don't worry, this wonder woman didn't let it get to her. In fact, seeing the geographic location of the bookseller, I realized that I could get in contact with some friends prior to interviewing at the old college campus.

After a few hellos at my Alma Mater, I drove to the bookseller noted in the previous addition. It was hot that day, and my cute little interview number was drenched in my own body sweat. I took half an hour before the interview time to wander the fancy strip mall in search of air conditioning, cool liquids, and time killers. Thankfully I found all three in a world market store where much time was productively wasted (I now have a running list of things that should be purchased once money flow increases).

So, calm, cool and quenched, this wonder woman arrived at the bookseller in ample time. I confidently went over to customer service. I waited patiently for her would-be bookie boss to arrive, and we had a fine time interviewing in the bookseller's cafe. Bookie Boss even complemented me on my pro interviewing skills. Little did she know she was dealing with a real, live wonder woman. Wonder women always have slam dunk interviews. And are never late, either (see Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing Part III).

Hopefully there will be a phone call in the next week for round two of interviews for this job. It has a pay check promised at the end of the rainbow. And insurance. And paid vacations. And maybe even a prospect of a little more freedom.

Crossing fingers, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing: Part III

They say when it rains, it pours. And when it pours it hails, and when it hails...well you get the idea. And they, whoever they are, aren't lying. Interviewing, job hunting, it's a risky business. One day you're on top of the world, the next you're staring at your computer screen begging for it to offer you a job. But once you get one phone call...

Today was an interview with a certain non-profit marine based organization. Government operated and funded, it's a little satelite office by the harbor. I was going to interview as an intern. It wouldn't pay, it would be office/outreach work with kids, this wonder woman could handle it. On the way (I had left with plenty of time to spare, 10:30am interview means leaving 45 minutes early for a 30 minute drive) the unthinkable happens: I start to ponder.

My go-to, my interviewer, mentioned in email they had another site, and make sure to come to the satelite one. Did I get the direction to the right site? Had I gone too far? This was a really long drive. I'm so sweaty...did my hair dry? God it looks bad...do I smell? I only have ten minutes to get there! What the hell! Then, more disaster: a missed call and voicemail from my go-to: "Our meeting was at 10:00, it's now 10:15...I was wondering where you were."

Balls. Don't worry, this wonder woman did not panic. She went ballistic. Driving like a maniac the rest of the way, nearly killing a few fishermen on their way to the shore, I arrived frantically searching for the office. I find it at 10:35am, and a meeting is transpiring. Now I really would be pushing my luck. Late. Hot and stinky. Interrupting real productivity. Balls.

I sat outside the office observing the water and docked boats. I was trying to think of a few ways I could get out of this horrible situation without looking like a total idiot. That was when my go-to found me. "Are you here for the interview?"

I explained my tardiness: "I thought it was a 10:30 interview, I'm so sorry." She checks her email and realizes I was right. She apologizes. I breath a sigh of relief. I'm not an idiot. I'm still a wonder woman (I would have to find someone else to write the advice if I wasn't anymore). She gives me the scoop. Turns out my resume and interests in the program make me one of the big runners for the gig. Who knew office work would work for you? She gives me some pamphlets and tells me to keep in touch, and so will she.

As I head home I remember: I HAVE TO MAKE A PHONE CALL! Another wonder woman, friend to this one, pulled a few strings and got my application at the top of the pile at a certain bookseller across town. I get home, change out of my sweaty nice clothes and into weather appropriate ones, and grab the note with the name and number. Call after 4:00pm it says. I'm still good.

A few hours later, I give the book dealer a call. She too, is interested from my resume and talking to me. She asks for me to come in at 4:00 tomorrow. When it rains it pours, who knows what tomorrow will bring... a full time gig at the capital? Who knows.

Waiting with her umbrella, WW

Staying Fit

You've seen Wonder Woman. That girl is FIT. She runs around in a bathing suit and boots all day, every day. And not a tiny bit of cellulite.

For the rest of us wonder women our bodies might be something we love, hate, or something in between. It has been a battle through out the ages: women vs. their bodies. Women in the Victorian area literally crushed ribs to fit into corsets. Women in the twenties were anorexic flappers, chest less, hip less, and woman less. In the nineties women started to hop on the plastic surgery boat, literally cutting themselves and mutilating their own bodies to make them something they are not. From no fault of our own we can let our world tell us what our bodies should be. What they are is an entirely different matter.

We are wonder women. We have bodies that empower us. Our thighs help us stand up to injustice, the bigger the better. Our stomachs nourish us and hold our womanhood with pride. Our chests hold the fat and nutrients necessary to sustain another life. Our brains give us our intelligence, poise, and power. We are unstoppable, and our bodies carry us to do the unstoppable. It is an evolutionary fact. If it was not, every woman on the planet would bone thin with no curves. Instead, we arch and bow like the earth itself.

The more skinny a woman is, the more likely she is to be sick, frail, and vulnerable to the world around her. She may be pleasing to the eye but she is not fulfilling her body's destiny: to cradle her very life. Let's remember the ultimate truth: Physical beauty comes not from thinness, but healthiness. Our bodies make us the wonder women we are. They give us power. Empower yourself and remember: you are only as beautiful as your body is healthy

Muscular and healthy, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures with Service Dogs

This wonder woman wanted to take some of her own advice and take a day trip. She planned ahead of time, picked a location (a natural history museum of a certain metropolis), got a buddy (a sibling), and was off to beat the day to day grind of blogging and bacon writing.

Upon arrival of the museum, it wouldn't take a wonder woman to see that it was gonna be crowded. Families were scattered all over the front lawn of the museum. Some were having picnics, some were playing in the grass. This wonder woman wanted to get the crap in the museum because the heat wave has yet to pass, and it was about 110 degrees outside.

Inside the place was packed with cub scouts, YMCA groups, families, random running boys, etc. The birds section was particularly unnerving when this wonder woman had to refrain from punching a kid's lights out when he slammed his foot on hers (I'm a wonder woman, not a saint). One group caught my attention more than the rest. Two women and a man. They must have been a family, all over the age of thirty. The man was in a wheelchair, the older woman pushing it and the younger going up close to exhibits and explaining tiny details. This wasn't really odd, and they wouldn't have captured my attention so fully if not for the service dog.

The man in the wheelchair, who seemed totally able-bodied besides being in the wheelchair, had this service dog. It wasn't your typical...well, stereotypical service dog. Not to say that I am prejudiced about service dogs, any dog can be a service dog. Wonder women shouldn't judge. A dog can be anything it wants to be, this is America.

It was a french bulldog. A little black one. Fat too. Odd to say the least. Yet obviously this system worked: Lady pushing wheelchair, guy in wheelchair, lady guiding and the service dog makes four. But I couldn't help but wonder what exactly a french bulldog could do as a service dog...they're short, can they open doors? They drool, can they bring you various objects? Who picks a french bulldog as a service dog? I didn't know french bulldogs were in the service business. How does a french bulldog serve? Cuddles? Patience? Door stops?

Watch out labs! The french bulldog is on the rise, WW

Scrapbooking

Memories...ah.

Everyone has them, everyone else wants to experience them. Nothing in the world makes this transaction easier than the scrapbook. A time honored tradition, passed down from father to son, mother to daughter. In the middle ages scrapbooking was so revered by the people that a scrapbooker would be called in when no one could decide whose story was better. Ah, memories...

Actually, this wonder woman has no idea when scrapbooking started. All she knows is that it has become so in vogue as of late that there are literally STORES for the hobby. Books have been written on it. People write BOOKS on scrapbooking...do you know how long it takes to write a book? Much longer than an afternoon, that's for sure. Don't misunderstand, this wonder woman is not ragging on scrapbooking and its enthusiasts. It's just, well I don't get it.

You have pictures, and you put them in an album. That's great! It's a treasured piece of history that you can show to friends, family, so on and so forth. You add captions when necessary, to give your readers a little understanding of the whole module. I get it. But special stickers? Stamps? Little nick-nack things you buy at a store for the specific theme of your scrapbook? It's a little bit over the top, don't you think? What could that money be going toward? If you took the money that would have gone into specialized paper and gel pens for your scrapbook fix, and put it in a jar and saved for a rainy day, you might be able to use the money to create a new memory. I'm just saying. Money is tight, and this wonder woman is not spending it on specialty tape. It's going towards the memories.

Scrapbooking as we speak, WW

Old Wives Tales

Don't be so quick to assume that this will be a silly/pointless guide.
(Nay sayers are never welcome at parties, just food for thought) Just because old wives came up with this junk doesn't mean it can be completely dismissed. In fact, it is always a little wise to have a handful of folklore in your back pocket just for the sake of conversation, let alone reaping the benefits. For example:

(Scoring based on this wonder woman's opinion. And let's face it, that's pretty much the best one there is)

Did you know when moving you should never bring your old broom with you? I think they get attached to the things they clean, not who cleans. Nothing personal, it's just the way of it. So please leave old brooms behind, and purchase new ones at your new residence.
Usefulness: 5/10
Fun Conversation: 6/10

Did you know when there is a red tint on the moon, trouble is a brewing? This is particularly true if you are a witch. Look out Glinda!
Usefulness: 4/10
Fun Conversation: 7/10

Did you know that when a black cat walks TOWARDS you it's good luck, and AWAY from it's bad luck? Guess they aren't so much unlucky as luck postman. Who knew?
Usefulness: 7/10
Fun Conversation: 7/10 (sevens a lucky number, get it?)

Did you know that a wonder woman can tell what kind of man she is marrying on Valentine's Day? Yup, sir, she can.
She sees a sparrow? A poor man
She sees a bluebird? A happy fella
She sees a blackbird? A church going kind of guy
She sees a goldfinch? CA-CHING! Millionaire!
She sees an owl? Bummer...spinster city
Usefulness: 10/10
Fun Conversation: 4/10 (I don't really know if this works for the lads, but it doesn't hurt to hope)

Did you know that acorns are tremendously good luck? If you wear one around your neck you're sure to do just dandy.
Usefulness: 8/10
Fun Conversation: 5/10

Finally, did you know that the color blue isn't just good for your skin tone? If you touch something blue and make a wish, it should come true! Also, if you wear a blue bead it will protect you against witches! Glinda won't be bothering this wonder woman.
Usefulness: 6/10
Fun Conversation: 5/10

Superstitiously yours, WW

The Pool

I don't know about all you wonder women out there, but this one is HOT. And I'm not talkin' looks. The August heat wave has hit with full force, and seems is here to stay. There are a few ways to beat the heat: A/C (bad for the ozone), fans (just wish it was A/C), the beach (good looking people, sand gets everywhere...) or the pool. This wonder woman goes for the pool.

I choose the pool for a number of reasons:

1) Least amount of effort-If you have the option of a pool it's usually within walking distance, in your backyard, or at a friend's place. I've never heard of anyone who 'had to drive a bit' to get to the pool. It just doesn't happen. And when it's a BILLION degrees outside, the least amount of distance between you and some cool turquoise water is the most obvious choice.

2) More stuff options- You can't bring noodles to the beach. You can't. And you could bring your ipod, but it could get all sandy and then there goes your $200+ little walkmen (that's all they are, glorified walkmens). You also can't bring adult beverages to the beach, at least not where this wonder woman resides. If you go to a pool privately owned by a friend or yourself, beverages are never in short supply.

3) Water control- The mighty ocean cannot be tamed. It is a force to be feared and respected. Within its belly the great blue whale, the mighty kelp forests, tremendous amounts of fish, plants, mammals and poo all call home. Pools just have that little vacuum. And a thermometer. You cannot ask the great Pacific to be a few degrees warmer! You cannot bother the mighty Atlantic with whether its ph balance is fit for you fancy! With a pool, it's easy. Go with the pool.

4) The company- I suppose this is always the best selling point for me with pools: the people. At the beach you share the sands with hundreds of strangers, usually with their own obnoxious giant tents, tall chairs, coolers full of Capri Suns and giant beach balls. When you are at a pool, it is usually in the company of friends. Call me a softy, but this wonder woman likes to be with her peeps. And there stuff isn't half as annoying.

Seeking aquatic refuge, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Blood Tests

They make you fast.
Fast.
As in you are not allowed to consume anything until said blood test is administered. This wonder woman can put up with a lot, but not eating, is NOT one of them. In fact, it has been brought to this wonder woman's attention on several occasions that eating is what makes her pleasant most of the time. Not eating causes her to spiral into a dark corner of her psyche, usually leading in short tempered spats, name calling, and generally un-wonderful behavior.

That being said, I did not eat anything for breakfast. I was good. I got up early, drove to the lab, and was one of the first through the door. One, being the key word. It seems that this wonder woman was not the only person hungry this morning due to fasting, and there was quite the line leading to the blood drawing room. I would say approximately 7-13 people were at that lab at 8:00am, all hungry, caffeine deprived and fussy. One woman in her workout clothes slammed down her insurance papers like a bat out of hell. One man kept yelling at his almost identical teenage sons as they waited outside. One woman came dressed to the nines in a long black dress, red lipstick and six inch heels with black pom poms in the front. Apparently she was going to a gala after getting her blood done. I just sat. Quiet and anxious. My stomach did the talking for me.

When my turn finally arrived I told the woman I hadn't had anything to eat or drink, just as I was instructed. Turns out water was not under that ruling. She quickly gave me paper cup after little paper cup of water, and poked me straight and true. Sadly, my blood was not as alert and cooperative as I was.

WARNING: For those of you wonder women/supermen out there who a tish on the squeamish side, please brace yourselves. This is gonna be good.

It dripped, dripped, dripped out of me. It was the slowest race I'd ever won. She made me squeeze a fist. She tied up my arm nice and tight. She made me hold a hot pack. Drip, drip, drip. She turned her sights on a new vein and poked the other arm. Drip, drip, drip. The deep red liquid was not in any hurry. However, the nurse was. She remarked on how cold I was, how much I had to drink, but nothing seemed to be the cause of my slowly trickling blood. Finally, after almost three times the amount of time it usually takes, my tubes were filled and I was free to go, a bandage firmly taped on each arm. I drove home like a mad woman, I could already taste the onion bagel waiting for me.

The cold she described has yet to fade. And I think I'll have another onion bagel...

Poked and prodded, WW

Living on a Budget

Times are rough for us wonder women/supermen. Jobs are scarce and prices are still high. That is why we must live frugally, if not now then forever! It sounds more painful than it actually is, believe you me. Much like ripping off that band-aid, living on a budget will be beneficial to you in the end.

Invest in a library card. This isn't just to be frugal, this is to be smart. Libraries through out time have been the houses of the greatest works of thought known to our species. Literature, art, music, science, languages, all kept in these extraordinary buildings. The age old questions: Why are we here? What is our meaning? Are men really from Mars and women really from Venus?, all may be answered on the shelves of a library. So get a card! This wonder woman does not go to her public library without at least a large bag, knowing full well that she will fill it with the knowledge of the ages by they time she leaves.

Research the cheap hot spots. If you're knew to your new place of residence, ask a few locals about some good old cheap fun. Free bunco night at the local rec center might be fun and profitable if you end up at a gambling table. The local dollar stores always yields good buys that won't break your bank. Drive-in movie theaters are not only a great way to spend your evening, but you get two movies for the price of one. Also, never underestimate the power of happy hour.

Economize and reprioritize. Be honest, you've got stuff. This wonder woman has far too much. If you really are pressed for cash, hold a good old garage sale and sell some of the nick nacks, paddi wacks, and old dog bones you've got lying around the house. Don't try to earn back what you put into your old belongings though. Garage sale people are the kings and queens of bargain hunters, if it's prices over ten dollars you won't get a bite. You want to get rid of the stuff, the money is only a bonus.

Find a hobby. Too often we think to live wonderfully, we must be DOING something. DOING being code for SPENDING. Not true. If you've got a healthy hobby (I'm not talking weird stuff...you all know what I mean) you've got something to occupy your time for free. If your hobby has some sort of a price tag attached due to supplies, save up your loose change to fund it. Nothing is more fun than going to the Coin Star and cashing in. This wonder woman looks forward to it every time the change jar is full.

Thinking frugal, WW

Going to Your Physician

We all have bodies with their own little quirks. They try to tell us how their day was, whether they're a Padres or Diamond Backs fan, if they are a Jennifer or an Angelina, if they enjoy a good stiff cup of coffee in the morning, or if what we're doing to them is royally screwing them over.

Insert Physician Here.

Doctors are like the translators of our bodies. They go to school/medical school for a million semesters to learn and understand the language of the body. They know what a broken heart sounds like, what an annoyed pancreas does, how your bones dance, so on and so forth. They get paid the big bucks to pay attention to stuff we wouldn't even dream of caring about. (Side Note: If one of you wonderful wonder women/ supermen out there is in the medical field, please ignore last said statement) That is why, in my humble opinion, we get so annoyed with them.

"It's my body! Why didn't it just tell me?!" Ah, alas. We simple folks only rarely hear the screaming whispers of our colons, the nagging of our epidermis, the hair splitting cries of our poor, poor feet. We need doctors and nurses to interpret. Simple as that. And that is why this wonder woman will, I will admit hesitantly, go do a blood test the day after tomorrow. And keep a food diary for the next week. AND fill out a symptoms questionnaire. Because this wonder woman knows she is not fluent in body language, and thus will let the tests speak for her.

(If it's a gluten allergy, I'll scream)

WW out

Weekends with No Dates

Ok, so let's be real for a second. There will be times in every wonder woman's life when there will be beautiful nights with twinkling stars and full moons and candles and romantic music and all that stuff and no lug to enjoy any of it with. When these times occur, please, do not be discouraged. It does not mean you are any less wonderful. It just means there is a shortage of supermen in your district, which you may have to take up with your local congressman. I, however, try not to get involved in local politics (hairy stuff).

When you have weekends with no dates, take advantage of this opportunity to do something wonderful for yourself. Read a book. Draw a picture. Take over a small nation for economical gain. Whatever strikes your fancy. Wonder women often forget to pamper themselves. It's a flaw of ours. We're givers by nature. When you share your superpowers all the time, you forget that they can also be used for shallow, self-absorbed reasons. This wonder woman often enjoys a good solid bubble bath, chocolate and Machiavelli's "The Prince" to tuck her in at night.

However, using your superpowers for selfish reasons should be a strictly "weekends with no dates" venture. Running around using superpowers selfishly everyday of the week would make you a supervillain, and thus no longer a wonder woman. We need more wonder women, not less. Proceed with caution and care. It is a fine line to dance. But dance it we shall. Because until there are some supermen around to hang out with, you've just got to be a little creative with your weekends.

Always, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing (Part II)

Arose at 6:30am on the button. The alarm from this wonder woman's cell phone has become like the rooster to her farmer, and she welcomes it warmly. Shower had to be delayed slightly, due to a large amount of Comet and Soft Scrub left in the tub (this wonder woman's dog has IBS, and thus had a little accident last night, more details would be distasteful.), but was quickly fixed with a good spray down from shower. Clean and shiny by 6:43am. Hair was not washed to maximize time and efficiency. (Wonder women should never wash their hair everyday, it depletes the natural oils necessary for wonderful hair)

The dress situation was a road block. The previous evening new trousers had to be purchased. This wonder woman had gone up a size, and was not pleased about it. The 'fat pants' were thus flung on the floor of her room, still in the store bag and price tags on. This morning, upon putting them on a terrible and ironic thing occurred: They were too big. Flustered and flabbergasted at her own body's bad timing, this wonder woman tried on old non-fat pants. Still too small. Going back to the fat pants, she got help from a belt, gave her thighs the finger, and went about with the rest of the process.

After a quick bowl of cereal, (Honey Bunches of Oats, according to its box, has quite the history involving the mixing and meshing of several cereals by a CEO and his eighteen year old daughter. Fascinating stuff.) a little research was done online to get some background on this small food supplier she was interviewing for. What should these eyes see before them? Bacon. BACON. BACON! The company sells gourmet foods, its specialty? BACON! Bacon jerky, bacon strips, gourmet BACON!

What's wrong with this? Bacon is a lovely food that thousands of people enjoy in our country alone. Why such a sad face wonder woman? Because, this wonder woman is a veggie. Vegetarian. No red meat. No mammals. No exceptions. A cold sweat started to build up in her arm pits. Research time was over. So, grinding her teeth, prepared for the worst, this wonder woman got in her beat up car and drove to the predetermined Starbucks to meet Mr. Bacon...her possible future boss.

When all you know about someone is that they sell fine wines and bacon, you get a certain idea in your head about who and what they are, especially if you have a half hour drive to mull it over. I know all of you don't have thirty minutes to ponder this, but this wonder woman did. And did she come up with some whopper ideas. A wonder woman never gossips, so details will not be revealed. However, at 8:02am Mr. Bacon came into said Starbucks, shook wonder woman's hand, ordered a venti something, put approximately 4 packs of sugar and a half cup of milk, and picked up a hot ham sandwich. I held my breath.

Turns out Mr. Bacon knows his stuff. Told me about the business, the work I would do, how I could turn it into something paid. Publication was a word used A LOT. Who knows? This might be this wonder woman's next big break. She may even get wined and dined by fancy restaurants while she does it too...

Planning, WW.

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Interviewing

The Setting: A Starbucks in a disclosed setting in small town America

The Purpose: A possible writing internship for a small vineyard in previously disclosed setting

The Action: Interview

The Dilemma: Zero salary offered.

All wonder women know a good offer when they see them. They are hard to miss. That's why they aren't around for long. A wonder woman sees it and jumps at the opportunity. (If you are in a situation that has no good offers, I give you full permission to blame a wonder woman.) Now, it's weeding out the bad offers wrapped in cute clothing that's more tricky.

For example, this wonder woman has an 8:00am interview tomorrow morning for an internship that sounds wonderful enough: I would be writing articles/reviews for food and wine for a local vineyard. Awesome? Yes. Catch? Yes. This position has no pay. And as we've all read in a previous issue, this slight detail defers my cure for Nesting Relapse. No pay means no savings, which means no place to call my own. Hmm...what is a wonder woman to do? Defer my own nest for the sake of the opportunity? Forsake the opportunity for some sweet digs?

Stayed tuned, this WW is on the verge of something

Day Trips

All wonder women should be getting out into the world and experiencing the awesome it has to hold. Day trips are a perfect way to achieve such awesome.

Try choosing a destination approximately 30 minutes-1.5 hours away from your place of residence. Hopefully this distance will get you in the 'road trip' spirit, but also get you someplace you have not seen. Go somewhere that sparks your wonderful interests. Museums, zoos, aquariums, are all nice places to start, but dig deeper and you can find a treasure trove of fabulous hot spots. Discount stores, truck stops, and tattoo shops are always full of interesting and fun people. If you tell them you're from out of town, all the better.

Be prepared. Wonder Woman always had her utilities, so should you. Keep the tank full and the tunes a rockin'. No one should every step foot out of the house without at least a twenty dollar bill in their pocket/wallet. You never know when or where you might see that perfect accessory or need to pay off a bookie. Bring snacks! All wonder women have a tendency to be cranky if they are not well fed. I find that a granola bar, Quaker by brand, tends to solve this little problem pronto. If you get bored easily, remember that sudoku is an anti-social game. Try to make activities something that the entire group can love enjoy. I am particularly fond of 'Celebrity' and random high fives with the right kind of people.

Above all, just have fun. Wonder Woman has to save the world every day, but even she deserves a day off. A day trip is the perfect chance to just let loose, be merry, and be smart.

WW

The Nesting Relapse (An Epidemic)

It is the natural order of the world for all young of any species to one day separate from their mothers and venture off into their world. Take birds as an example: The mother bird rests on top of her eggs for weeks on end, until the little buggers hatch. Then, she scurries around trying to find food for not only herself, but the half dozen little mouths she has waiting for her back at the nest. She sits on them when she isn't in pursuit of their next meal, sings to them to sooth them, keeps predators away, etc. She is what you might call a wonder mom. However, this wonder mom knows when the little ones are ready to jump into that world of adulthood, and will often times push her beloved babies right out of the nest. If they fly, they fly. If they don't...well. Getting a picture?

However, in the estranged order of the human world, something very odd is taking shape. While our parents and grandparents ventured off into the world to start their lives after college, we, the next generation, are returning to the nest. We packed up all our belongings, went to school, lived independent of mom and dad for four solid years, got our diplomas, and just when we thought we couldn't get more bitchin', we find ourselves in our childhood rooms surrounded by boxes. I call this the Nesting Relapse.

The Nesting Relapse is not new. It has existed for as long as there have been grown ups with a certain lack of flight, if you will. What makes this generation cause for concern is the gross amount of Nesting Relapse that is occuring. The economy is the major cause for this epidemic. How can you move on with your life if you have no job? No financial security? How can you move out into that sweet pad you always wanted if you've only got a jar full of change from the fourth grade and student loans keeping you up at night?

The sad fact is, this is when economic status become abundantly clear. Those who are experiencing Nesting Relapse at this very moment are probably the kids who went to college on scholarships out the wazoo. The ones in apartments living the high life might have mom and dad pick up the tab every now and again, helping them live the dream. Not that there's anything wrong with having mom and dad pitch in...but I ask: Is living on mom and dad's check not just another form of Nesting Relapse?

I, as a wonder woman, never wanted to accept the fact that I would experience Nesting Relapse. I wanted to be independent, harmonious with the natural order, impervious to the changing times, and get my own place. Unfortunately, my bank account states otherwise. Thus, I propose a recovery plan for my personal Nesting Relapse: get a job, save like hell, and GET OUT! As quick as I can. I don't care where I live, how bad is smells. I've lived in worse. I've lived in cabins where mice swim in toilets, I can handle a shabby roach apartment. So, to all you wonder women out there, I implore you to follow my solid, yet I'll be it oversimplified, plan. We are the cure to our own poison, so lets start by doing something about it.

WW out.

Introductions

First of all, I am NOT Wonder Woman.

I can't fit into a red white and blue swimming suit and look good. I don't have an invisible airplane. I am not from the Amazon. I don't have a truth lasso. Hell, I don't even have black hair. However, I do posses that lovely quality of wanting to seem better than I actually am, so I like to think I am a wonder woman. There are a lot of us out there. (You know who you are.) We have a little sparkle, a little flair, a little punch and passion that makes us stick out from the crowd. So, as of right now, I will speak as a wonder woman and will document my little adventures. Just because I don't have a comic book fashioned written and illustrated all about lovely me doesn't mean I don't have adventures. I have lots of adventures. Oodles. They may not involve super villains and gorgeous super heroes, but I've got stuff. Interesting stuff.

I hope you enjoy.