The Holiday Season (Part IV)

Thanksgiving: Take Two

Here are a few little facts to drizzle over your mashed potatoes and dinner conversation tomorrow evening when your Great Uncle George painfully wants to talk about the time he was stationed in some where or other and then gets stuck in a bunker that actually wasn't a bunker but an out post and how his war buddy who was with him is now a pastor that someone he thought you knew in college might have baptized...

FACT: Abraham Lincoln declared that Thanksgiving should be celebrated the last Thursday of every November. The true first Thanksgiving took place on December 4th.

FACT: Thanksgiving was not made a true national holiday until 1941.

FACT: 1621 was the year of the first Thanksgiving. Pilgrims and Wampanoag Indians sat down for a festive harvest celebration. This was actually a common practice among many American Indian tribes through out the nation.

FACT: The only two foods known for sure to be served at the first Thanksgiving were wild fowl and venison. Sorry Bambi's mom...

FACT: Minnesota is the top turkey producing state in these United States. Only six states in the whole union are believed to produce a third of the birds consumed by the nation.

FACT: Roughly 690 million pounds of turkey are consumed on Thanksgiving.

FACT: The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was once the Macy's Christmas Parade to get shoppers excited for the upcoming season of giving. Snoopy has made an appearance at said parade more times than any other character.

If that isn't enough to keep conversation light and interesting, please RESIST THE URGE to bring up any of the following:

• Global Warming
• The fact that the turkey served is really not turkey but tofurky, and isn't it cool you can't taste the difference?!
• That awesome job you just landed (ok, you can mention this, but for no longer than five minutes. Everyone who is unemployed or hates their mediocre jobs will be gripping their knives a little too menacingly)
  
• How much recently passed Aunt Enid would have loved to see her prized crystal centerpiece put to good use.
• The TRUE end to the first Thanksgiving (unless everyone at the table is on the same page on the matter)
• How much better the host's house looks when they put a little effort into it
• Health care

And finally...

• The dry, over cooked, practically rock hard turkey your host worked all day on

I hope all of you have a lovely, wonderful Thanksgiving, and please be thankful for your blessings and good thoughts.

Being Thankful, WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in Automobiles

Almost every cold blooded American owns a car. In these times of economic strife some even live in them. A wonder woman, this wonder woman to be exact, has a special relationship with her automobile. A 'love/hate' relationship really.

My car is the living embodiment of 'busted up'. A glory in its own right, the grey paint is chipping away, the engine doesn't quite catch very well anymore, the upholstery is shredding away from the foam, and the floors always seem to catch any or all dust, dirt, grime, hair or other ugly unseemly particle. And that's just the good stuff.

Despite its terrible appearance and known quality to intimidate passengers, I do love that car. It's been passed down from superman, to superman, to wonder woman, and it has always been very connected to those who drive it. Few understand the way the engine seems to smile as you pass 50 miles an hour and just let that little Supernova fly. I do, and I love it.

Unfortunately just yesterday the Supernova and I did not see eye to eye. I was taking him out for a spin to the public library (I am a wonder woman after all, frequent visits are a must to keep up with the times) and after a quick drop off and pick up, we were headed home. The windows were rolled up, because a slight nip was in the air. Unusual for the Supernova, since the air conditioning leaks on the driver's feet and the fans blast hot air most of the time. But I didn't mind. Sleigh bells and turkeys and all that ho ho ho business were clouding my thoughts. The romantic notion that the windows being rolled up meant winter was upon us was practically singing in my brain.

I get off the freeway, listen to my wonderful music and sing out and loud, and head home. My purse, books and phone all nestled in the passenger's seat beside me. I make the slow turn onto my street and then...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!!!!!!!!!!

BAM!!!!

Stop.

Everything stopped. I panic.

"Crap! It really died!" was the first thing I thought.

I thought that car would drive forever, like your first pet or that one hit wonder on the radio. I turn the Supernova off, wait, and turn him on again. Nothing. Only flashing engine lights, emergency break lights, and every other light that flashes red. I decide to get out.

I circle the car, looking at all the tires and touching the hood of the car to see if he's hot. He's hot all right, just like his name. I decide to get back in and give it one more go at starting up. And then I see them, my keys, in the ignition. I look at the door, locked. The windows rolled up for seasons greetings. All of a sudden my purse, phone and books didn't look so cozy, they looked downright gluttonous on the inside of that car.

"Damn. Crap...What the hell?!" I don't encourage wonder women to use profanity in any way. It is distasteful unless used in light humor, and usually just makes everyone around you uncomfortable. But times like this, it's ok.

A few people up the street saw the whole thing.
"You need help honey?" a woman said. She walks down the road to meet me.
"Yeah, my car broke down, and I locked my keys inside when I went to look at it."

In that small conversation an instant relaxation came over me. Another wonder woman, I could sense it. She had it written in her very DNA. Even superheroes need saving, and boy did she ever help a wonder woman out. AAA was called, a tow truck came, phone calls were made, cars busted into and keys restored in the proper hands.

All I can say is, God Bless Wonder Women, WW

Reality TV

The children of today will be the first generation raised in the world of reality television. Think about that for a few moments.

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Scary, isn't it? These precious little children will know nothing of TGIF or the golden age. They have:
Super Sweet 16, Survivor, COPS, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser, Pimp My Ride, The Hills, Laguna Beach, Flavor of Love, Wife Swap, Supernanny,
Top Chef, Project Runway, The Swan, 18 Kids and Counting, 16 & Pregnant, ANTM, American Idol, Big Brother, Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity Fit Club, Deadliest Catch, Hell's Kitchen, Jackass, I Love New York, Newlyweds, Jon and Kate Plus 8, So You Think You Can Dance, Queer Eye, The Girls Next Door, The Simple Life, What Not To Wear, and of course, The Real World.

What's sad is that isn't even half the reality shows that are on television. Those are only the ones this wonder woman could think of. And that is equally sad.

We are smothered with 'reality'. Story has gone out the drain and we're left to simply watch ourselves. But that's not even true. The people who end up on a lot of these shows are not at all like any person I have ever met. They're like caricature's of archetypes, people pretending to be people. It makes your head spin just trying to decompress all the mask wearing and fake behavior to try and really see the truly wonderful human condition.

So these kids, who have grown up with all this reality, do they know the difference between reality and reality?

Pondering, WW

The Holiday Season (Part III)

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was founded in honor of the first meal between the Puritan settlers and the native people of America. We commemorate this by gathering all family members to the same table once a year to have a large and festive meal together. The meal follows strict rules and seems to be the one meal that everyone cow-tows to. On the menu:

Turkey
Cranberries
Pumpkin Pie
Stuffing
Mashed Potatoes
Gravy

People spice up family events all year long with their own cultures and traditions, but Thanksgiving is sacred. Thanksgiving is something that cannot be tampered with. It is the American meal personified, and therefore cannot be anything other than what we have been told.

Or can it...?

As my radical suggestion for this holiday, this holiday season: I suggest that the traditional Thanksgiving dinner concept be tossed out the window and something new and creative take its place. A meal that represents the true America of today:

Wontons
Irish Corned Beef
Spaghetti
Thai flat noodle soup
Tacos
Funfetti cake for dessert

I'm just throwing it out there, something wonderful could emerge.

Drafting a menu, WW.

A Heavy Helping of Reality

First off I must apologize to all those readers out there. I have not been so wonderful in keeping you up with tips, guidelines and adventures. This is in part due to the massive amount of reality I have been served in the past few days. Far too much reality.

How to Serve Reality: A Basic Recipe/Directional

Paperwork. Paperwork goes to an office. A fee is paid. That's done.

Meetings. Meetings take place in which more paperwork is received. Deadlines are told and tests are addressed. More things to do.

Going over old paperwork. Giving it one more glance over before sending it off. See a few things, make a few changes. Feel weird about sending it out now that the last glance over caused a change.
More things to do.

Dishes. Dishes need to be washed in order to make room for more dishes that are being dirtied. That's never done.

Work. Go to work in order to get more paperwork (work paperwork) that needs to be done. Along with emails, filing, meetings and dishes at work. That's always going to have to be done.

Leisure time...that's...wait. Have I had any real leisure time in the past week...?
Leisure time optional (aka never happening)

Gas. Gas needs to be got in order to drive to deliver paperwork, and work, and optional leisure time. Gas is a constant. (Unless a more fuel efficient vehicle is ever achieved)

Serve with or without dessert. Leave to fester for a few days/hours (depending on urgency) for optimum freak out.

Serving a heaping helping of reality,WW

Wonder Woman and Adventures in The Workforce (Part V)

This wonder woman had a small realization just yesterday evening:

I was visiting with some friends and an undisclosed ice cream/shaved ice shop when the topics of vacations came up. It occurred to me with startling clarity that I don't even know if I will get some of these upcoming holidays off because of the essence of Wonderland. This ain't no bank holiday gig.

So what is a wonder woman to do? I don't even earn vacation days until working for at least a full 12 months. 12 MONTHS! The sweat started to collect in my armpits (forgive the over-share). I realized I was stuck in one of those terrible rabbit holes. Not the dreamy, oh so fanciful kind that serve you tea and you get to play crochet. The real kind, that have jagged edges and worms. Reality bites.

The search is on. How do you get out of Wonderland?