My days in Wonderland are numbered.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me explain...
Part of the great divide in this wonder woman's life is Wonderland. It's getting to be a veritable war zone down there. The jabberwock is loose and everyone is out for number one. People are fighting to stay alive. They are disappearing every day. Only the few and the brave are surviving. One of the good Wonderlanders was hacked off the chopping block just this last week, and one of its esteemed queens was shipped off to Neverland the week before that. It's not looking good.
Cue in me. Barely with my citizenship and striving to make a name for myself in Wonderland, I work hard and smile big. (It's the best way to get a queen's attention, when you smile big when you want to scream out loud.) I've become quite the white rabbit. Running around, busy as a bee, making appointments, keeping up with all the Wonderlanders. But even a white rabbit is expendable, especially if a jabberwock is hungry for rabbit stew...
My time in Wonderland is limited. I know it is. The Red Queen is only letting the few and proud old established Wonderlanders pass through the pearly gates. I'm only allowed to peak through the bushes of the croquet court, when I'm allowed at all. Times are hard in Wonderland. Very, very, hard. I can feel the breath of the jabberwock on my neck wonder women, I can smell it's breath. It's coming for me. It's waiting for the time when I'm late for a very important date, and that's when I'll smell it for the last time....
Running to the mercy of a pocket watch, WW
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Ice Dancing
The Olympics are on. I've been watching them like most. And like most I am very displeased with all the goings on of the showcase. The television needs adjustment. A three and a half hour block starting at 8:00pm with splices of this and that scrambled together into an incoherent mish mosh is not Olympic coverage, it's a hot dish gone terribly wrong.
And from this veritable steaming mess a terrible, terrible forgotten evil of the world is brought back from its prison in the underworld: ice dancing. Ice dancing has been covered so intensely this round of Olympics that I now know the sport. I make it a point to be wonderful, not cheesey. And that's just what ice dancing is wonder women, the cheesiest piece of work you'll ever see prancing on the frozen pond.
The costumes are all bad. Sequins never went out of style for these dancers. Their attitudes and "theatrics" rival any telanovella, and their interpersonal relationships are just as scandalous. But really, when it comes down to it, it's the dancing. On ice.
And I do mean dancing, because unlike figure skating (which requires athletic ability) ice dancing has no jumps, spins, twists, or really even turns. It's just dancing. On ice. Picture the great "Dancing with the Stars" but on ice, and that's all this sport has to offer.
Forgive me for being blunt and ignorant, but is this really an Olympic event? Even snowboarding has athleticism involved. But ice dancing? Really? And why is it after so many years of being shielded from its horrors has Olympic coverage released this beast? Sometime they're going to have to gather it up and reign that savage creature in. I just don't want to be around to watch the skates fly. Because there's no bigger diva, than the ice dancer.
Leave the theatrics in the theatre. This is the Olympics. Let's reward athletes, not entertainers.
Stewing, WW
And from this veritable steaming mess a terrible, terrible forgotten evil of the world is brought back from its prison in the underworld: ice dancing. Ice dancing has been covered so intensely this round of Olympics that I now know the sport. I make it a point to be wonderful, not cheesey. And that's just what ice dancing is wonder women, the cheesiest piece of work you'll ever see prancing on the frozen pond.
The costumes are all bad. Sequins never went out of style for these dancers. Their attitudes and "theatrics" rival any telanovella, and their interpersonal relationships are just as scandalous. But really, when it comes down to it, it's the dancing. On ice.
And I do mean dancing, because unlike figure skating (which requires athletic ability) ice dancing has no jumps, spins, twists, or really even turns. It's just dancing. On ice. Picture the great "Dancing with the Stars" but on ice, and that's all this sport has to offer.
Forgive me for being blunt and ignorant, but is this really an Olympic event? Even snowboarding has athleticism involved. But ice dancing? Really? And why is it after so many years of being shielded from its horrors has Olympic coverage released this beast? Sometime they're going to have to gather it up and reign that savage creature in. I just don't want to be around to watch the skates fly. Because there's no bigger diva, than the ice dancer.
Leave the theatrics in the theatre. This is the Olympics. Let's reward athletes, not entertainers.
Stewing, WW
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Dogs Vs. Cats
Why has their always been a war between dogs and cats? Is it a blood feud? Do we have to take a side? I've seen dogs and cats live together and they don't seem to have major issues, just regular roommate stuff.
So why do we have to be cat people, or dog people? As a wonder woman, I refuse to take a side. Not because it's unbiased, but because I think it's silly. I refuse to think that all people can be lumped into one of two categories: cat person, dog person. It's ridiculous. If you like dogs, then you like them. You don't have to love hiking along the coastline with 80 pound packs on. And if you like cats, then that's fine too. It doesn't mean you're a virginal shut-in who reads Charlotte Bronte by candlelight.
Cats and dogs are good people. Just keep their company and you'll turn out wonderful. (It's the bird people that are really the one's to watch out for)
Enjoying the animal world, WW
So why do we have to be cat people, or dog people? As a wonder woman, I refuse to take a side. Not because it's unbiased, but because I think it's silly. I refuse to think that all people can be lumped into one of two categories: cat person, dog person. It's ridiculous. If you like dogs, then you like them. You don't have to love hiking along the coastline with 80 pound packs on. And if you like cats, then that's fine too. It doesn't mean you're a virginal shut-in who reads Charlotte Bronte by candlelight.
Cats and dogs are good people. Just keep their company and you'll turn out wonderful. (It's the bird people that are really the one's to watch out for)
Enjoying the animal world, WW
Monday, February 22, 2010
Vampires
I am tired of vampires.
I am tired of their icky pasty skin and their creepy need to be with their beloved. I'm tired of their immortality and rubbing it in everyone's face. Hey buddy, I don't care if you've lived 109 years and are mopey, that's your problem, mmk? I'm tired of their terrible teeth. Get to an orthodontist, I don't need to see your heinous mouth until its fixed. I'm tired of their long hair and nails, and weird colored eyes. That's not pretty. It's just bad hygiene. I'm tired of them living with other vampires and forming creepy little "covens" or "families" or "companions". Wanna know you are Lifetime movie bound? You call your roommates your "family".
And I am tired of vampires being EVERYWHERE! They're like the new beanie baby or something! What does this say about the modern young woman if she wants a potential bloodsucking murderer as a mate?! Can you say "self-esteem issues?", cause I can smell um. Let's be real wonder women, and go for the living? Yes? Because really, all a vampire is, is a zombie who can carry on a conversation. And aren't there survival guides out all about how to AVOID zombies?
Yeah. Pass on the vampire phase.
Living and breathing, WW
I am tired of their icky pasty skin and their creepy need to be with their beloved. I'm tired of their immortality and rubbing it in everyone's face. Hey buddy, I don't care if you've lived 109 years and are mopey, that's your problem, mmk? I'm tired of their terrible teeth. Get to an orthodontist, I don't need to see your heinous mouth until its fixed. I'm tired of their long hair and nails, and weird colored eyes. That's not pretty. It's just bad hygiene. I'm tired of them living with other vampires and forming creepy little "covens" or "families" or "companions". Wanna know you are Lifetime movie bound? You call your roommates your "family".
And I am tired of vampires being EVERYWHERE! They're like the new beanie baby or something! What does this say about the modern young woman if she wants a potential bloodsucking murderer as a mate?! Can you say "self-esteem issues?", cause I can smell um. Let's be real wonder women, and go for the living? Yes? Because really, all a vampire is, is a zombie who can carry on a conversation. And aren't there survival guides out all about how to AVOID zombies?
Yeah. Pass on the vampire phase.
Living and breathing, WW
Friday, February 19, 2010
Men & Guessing
I read something recently that I think is good advice for any woman in the world. It was something to the effect of "...you know if he likes you, and when he doesn't he's 'confusing'". They're right. The one's that want you never seem to give up. The one's that don't see you the way you wish leave you guessing, longing, wanting, etc. etc. It's all very creepy and "Gone with the Wind" esq. Not that there's anything wrong with unrequited love, it's just something that I think wonder women should try to stay away from.
When your love is unrequited, it means that you're putting forth all this time and attention on something that's never going to happen. Meanwhile Mr. So Cute is standing two feet from you and trying to get your attention. It's so sad. Really. And a wonder woman should always be the kind of gal who can see what isn't good for her as much as she can she what is good for her. Wasting your wonderful time, attention, beauty, and charisma on Mr. Eh... is just inefficient.
So really, take that honest but true advice. You'll know when he's got a kudie crush on you. You'll know when he doesn't, because he isn't trying to show you. Simplify yourselves and trim some of the excess fat, the fat being Mr. Confusing.
Cutting out the lipids, WW
When your love is unrequited, it means that you're putting forth all this time and attention on something that's never going to happen. Meanwhile Mr. So Cute is standing two feet from you and trying to get your attention. It's so sad. Really. And a wonder woman should always be the kind of gal who can see what isn't good for her as much as she can she what is good for her. Wasting your wonderful time, attention, beauty, and charisma on Mr. Eh... is just inefficient.
So really, take that honest but true advice. You'll know when he's got a kudie crush on you. You'll know when he doesn't, because he isn't trying to show you. Simplify yourselves and trim some of the excess fat, the fat being Mr. Confusing.
Cutting out the lipids, WW
Thursday, February 18, 2010
One Liners
One liners are those little quips in movies or TV shows that can be pulled out of your back pocket and used like a joke. They can also be a good feeler for the kind of people you're with. If someone catches your reference, a friend or love connection may be in the making. If they look at you and blink, then they obviously aren't cool enough to hang out with you.
But I think, in my humble opinion, that the best one liners are the ones that don't come from movies or TV shows. They come from everyday conversations. You're own personal one liners. True, they can be odd when out of context, but they're still just as good as anything written by someone you've never met. Below are a few of my personal favorite one liners by me, a wonder woman, and wonder women in my life. I dedicate this to them.
"Just wave and smile, that freaks people out."
"That doberman pincher just got punched in the face!!"
"GET BACK HERE AND WATCH TODDLERS AND TIARAS WITH ME!"
"Are there beaches in the mountains?"
"For cereal."
"They had rage at Target. Lots of rage."
"I don't have anything to contribute, I don't know anything about digestion. My poop is black."
Laughing, WW
But I think, in my humble opinion, that the best one liners are the ones that don't come from movies or TV shows. They come from everyday conversations. You're own personal one liners. True, they can be odd when out of context, but they're still just as good as anything written by someone you've never met. Below are a few of my personal favorite one liners by me, a wonder woman, and wonder women in my life. I dedicate this to them.
"Just wave and smile, that freaks people out."
"That doberman pincher just got punched in the face!!"
"GET BACK HERE AND WATCH TODDLERS AND TIARAS WITH ME!"
"Are there beaches in the mountains?"
"For cereal."
"They had rage at Target. Lots of rage."
"I don't have anything to contribute, I don't know anything about digestion. My poop is black."
Laughing, WW
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wonder Woman on Hiatus...Oops
Dear Wonder Women of the World,
I must apologize. I have been unfair to you. It seems that bumps in the road have inhibited me from keeping the Guide up. This was wrong. Nothing keeps a Wonder Woman from doing a job worth doing. And this Guide to the ups and downs, the pitfalls and push ups, the miseries and joys of a wonder woman's life and times, well, it's worth doing. I will try my best not to let it happen again.
As for an update in this wonder woman's life, let's let the silence speak for itself. No point in digging up long dead and rotting memories for the sake of novelty. We'll start fresh and new with this the Chinese New Year, only days ago. It's the year of the Tiger wonder women! And this Wonder Woman, she was born in the year of the Tiger. Time to pull out your stripes and claws, cause it's going to be a wild ride.
Baring her teeth to the world, WW
I must apologize. I have been unfair to you. It seems that bumps in the road have inhibited me from keeping the Guide up. This was wrong. Nothing keeps a Wonder Woman from doing a job worth doing. And this Guide to the ups and downs, the pitfalls and push ups, the miseries and joys of a wonder woman's life and times, well, it's worth doing. I will try my best not to let it happen again.
As for an update in this wonder woman's life, let's let the silence speak for itself. No point in digging up long dead and rotting memories for the sake of novelty. We'll start fresh and new with this the Chinese New Year, only days ago. It's the year of the Tiger wonder women! And this Wonder Woman, she was born in the year of the Tiger. Time to pull out your stripes and claws, cause it's going to be a wild ride.
Baring her teeth to the world, WW
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